Guarded

To be in a cage,

yet completelly free.

Paralyzed.

 

I am unable

to do as I please,

since my fears

(and flaws)

follow me around

everywhere.

 

Should I smile?

Say hello?

Would I look sad?

Pitiful?

 

Or get rejected-

can a smile get rejected?

 

Do you know I exist?

Of course you do.

You told that to your friends.

But what do you think of me?

 

The girl frowning through life,

looking insecure.

 

Guarded.

By sadness itself.

 

 

Thoughts

How intense can thoughts be?

If I see a window,

it might remind me,

of how fragile we are:

If we jump

and end

our irrelevant lives,

on universal scope,

we don't matter.

Some think we do.

But we don't.

 

 

It makes me sad.

Flaws

Flaws are nothingness

Empty somethings.

Things we lack,

and things we do.

 

Your half is not,

bothered by your flaws.

Because they're uncompatibile.

 

If your something

accents their nothingness,

then it's vexing.

My grandfather

My grandfather likes to tell stories.

And we, as the youth does,

like to listen.

 

The thing is,

my grandfather,

is hard to understand.

 

And so we,

not to insult him,

just nod and laugh,

if we don't understand.

 

Sometimes I imagine,

what it's like.

 

Around you,

people just nodding and smiling,

without understanding.

 

To be listened to,

but be unheard.

 

My grandfather is happy,

however,

for he doesn't know.

I'm not so good at writing.

I'm not so good at singing.

I'm not good at playing the viola.

Same goes for the piano.

 

I'm not so good at picking friends.

I'm not so good at being happy.

I'm not so good at sports.

Make that very bad.

 

The only thing,

I'm good at,

though,

is knowing,

what I'm bad at.

Women I Deeply Admire (part 1)

 

This is the list of women I most deeply admire:

 

MERYL STREEP

Meryl Streep. I don't think there's really a need to add anything. She's Meryl *Effin* Streep. And she can literally do anything. And make anything sound good, apparently-

 

 

EMMA STONE

I mean- she proved she's a badass in Easy-A and in The Help. And then convinced all Marvel lovers that the new Spider-Man movie might just be great awesome INVINCIBLE. Andrew Garfield also did a marvellous job but... it's EMMA STONE.  (See what I did there :D)

Here she is in Easy-A:

 

 

ALICE ENGLERT

Alice Englert was born in New Zealand, 15 August 1994. That makes her 19. She's one of the people I aspire to be. She's a very talented actress (she certanly proved that in Beautiful Creatures).
She's also, in fact, FABULOUS(like- just look at that Picture).
I love her hair.
Also, here's the trailer to Beautiful Creatures: 
 

 

 

 

PINK

Alecia Beth Moore- better known by her stage name P!nk. I admire her because she stands for what she believes in. And doesn't care about what other people think about her. It's practically what I'm trying to be. Oh, and it doesn't hurt she's one badass singer. Her songs just make you want to get up and change something. If you've been living under a rock for the last two decades, here's her song Stupid Girls:

 

 

 

EMELI SANDE

Her music picks me up after life gets me down. And basically she rules.
This is my favourite one of her songs, Where I Sleep:

That's not all, but the post is long already.xx

I wish I could fly.

Not like a bird. 

Like a ghost.

Transparent.

Weightless.

Flowing.

Through time.

My resolutions

This has nothing to do with new year's. I just generally suck at being a social human being.

So I need this:

1. Smile. I tend to look like a zombie without really noticing. It's just my face.I don't put extra energy into looking friendly.

2. Don't talk about myself too much. Just listen.

3. Be more secretive. I just blabber all of my secrets to the first person that's nice to me. I'm one naive dumbass.

4.Be genuinely nice. Because it pays of in the long run.Karma is a bitch only if you're a bitch as well.
 
5. Don't try to look superior. Yes, I'm one of those jerks. I just can't help it. I have some days when I think "I'm too old for this" and look stoic and serious. I have got to stop.
 
6. Stop whining about not having friends. I'm introverted, of course. But I have a close circle of friends. The ones I can tell anything to.
 
7. Grow a spine. Be ok on my own. Be okay even when I'm the only one whose oppinion goes against the one of the crowd.

I die over and over :3

My favourite books:
- Catcher In The Rye- J.D. Salinger
- Tortilla Flat- J. Steinbeck
- Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox- E. Colfer
- Caster Chronicles- K. Garcia & M. Stohl

My seasonal literate bucket list:
- To Kill A Mockingbird
- Of Mice And Men

"... Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide..."

-Imagine dragons

 

"Some lose all mind and become soul:
 insane
Some lose all soul and become mind:
 intellectual

Some lose both and become accepted."
 - C.Bukowski